How do I talk to my partner about couples counselling?

Bringing up the idea of couple’s counselling with your partner is definitely not going to be the easiest and most light-hearted conversation to have, but it will be worthwhile. When bringing up this conversation, you may be worried about how your partner will react, or whether they'll see it as a sign of weakness in your relationship. However, couples counselling can be a great way to work through issues and strengthen your relationship, ensuring it stands the test of time.

Below are 7 tips on how to talk to your partner about couples counselling and help them also get on board with the idea.

1. Choose the right time and place:
   
   It's important to choose the right time and place to bring up couples counselling with your partner. Avoid bringing it up during an argument or when your partner is already stressed or distracted, or right before going to bed. Instead, choose a calm and relaxed time to have the conversation when you’re both available and ideally not right before leaving the house to go socialise.
   

2. Be honest and open:
   
   When talking to your partner about couples counselling, it's important to be honest and open about your reasons for wanting to go, using your specific concerns. Explain that you want to work through issues and strengthen your relationship, and that you think couples counselling could be a helpful tool in achieving this.
   

3. Avoid blaming or attacking your partner:
   
   It's important to avoid blaming or attacking your partner when talking about couples counselling. If you open the conversation with an attack, they’re likely to go on the defensive and won’t be able to hear your concerns. Instead, focus on your own feelings and why you want to go. For example, you could say "I've been feeling disconnected from you lately, and I think couples counselling could help us work through this together,” or, “I notice that I keep having the same negative reaction to you doing XYZ, and that always leads to us fighting. I want us to learn skills to better communicate and for me to feel less angry, and I feel like couple’s counselling might help us get there.”

4. Acknowledge your partner's feelings:
   
   Your partner may have reservations or concerns about couples counselling, and it's important to acknowledge these feelings. Listen to their perspective and try to understand where they're coming from. You could say something like "I understand that you may be hesitant about couples counselling, and I want to hear your thoughts and feelings about it." Some counsellor’s (including myself) offer a free mini-introduction session to talk specifically to the counsellor, so the individuals can get a feel for who they will be coming to see and to answer any questions they might have about the process or any concerns.
   

5. Emphasize that couples counselling is a team effort:
   
   When talking to your partner about couples counselling, it's important to emphasize that it's a team effort. Couples counselling is not about assigning blame or finding a "winner" or "loser" in the relationship. Instead, it's about working together to improve your relationship and strengthen your bond. In fact, I often tell my client’s that I’m on the side of the relationship, not on either of their sides to help make it clear that I want their relationship to succeed, and not any single person.
   

6. Offer reassurance:
   
   Your partner may be worried that couples counselling means that there's something fundamentally wrong with your relationship. It can be helpful to offer reassurance that couples counselling is a normal and healthy way to work through issues and improve communication, and can save lots of time, energy (and even money) in the future by ensuring your relationship is on a solid and equal foundation now. Having relationship problems doesn’t mean the relationship is “wrong” or will fail, but if issues aren’t addressed it’s possible they could get worse in the future.
   

7. Be patient:
   
   Your partner may not be ready to commit to couples counselling right away, and that's okay. Be patient and continue to have open and honest conversations about it. Let them know that you're willing to work together to find a solution that works for both of you. You might need to also spend time finding the right counsellor with whom you will both feel comfortable talking too.
   
   

In conclusion, talking to your partner about couples counselling can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's an important step in improving your relationship. By being honest, open, and patient, you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you. Remember that couples counselling is a team effort, and it can be a helpful tool in working through issues and strengthening your bond.